To the Coaches Corner coaches: Thank you for stepping in and allowing me to spend time with my angel mother!
Angel Mother’s Refusal to Succumb to Predictable Measurements
4 days ago, the hospice nurse overseeing my Angel Mother informed our family that she only had three days left. She was put on hospice’s “Compassionate End of Life Care” a few weeks ago. I am unfamiliar with Hospices’ informed levels of decline; however, 4 days ago, she entered the final “rapid decline” stage.
Moments after this announcement, the call went out to all my siblings, and 7 of the 8 of us were by her side two days ago in a celebration of her life. Indeed, she has rapidly declined. However, this dear Angel Mother refuses to succumb to anyone’s watch or predictable measurements by whatever standard and instead chooses life. While the time will come, and by my estimate, within a short period (see how vague I can be), she chooses life now!
Lessons Learned from Mom’s Antidote for Life
This is the point. My mother has a mind of her own on these matters! She has won the gold medal for controlling her life all her life! She knows that death is inevitable and that choosing to live life to the fullest is within our control. We can draw on several maxims and quotes from worthy advocates that depict this remarkable woman.
Still, the point is, she is in control and has been for as long as this old son can remember. So, before I honor her publicly and inside my management domain here in the Coaches Corner and draw a few distinct parallels to my career here in coaching, let me share some maxims and quality quotes that I have learned through the years remind me of my mother. Each proverb is well-thought-out and placed within this narrative with purpose. That purpose will be revealed in the last sentence for those that want to skip ahead!
Let me apologize for not paying tribute to the source on this list, as I’m sure behind each maxim is a human story by the author – of grandeur. My point is that with each selection below, I can share a story about my mother – and provide a drill (*grins!) that helps our students achieve their goals on their path to 5.0:
- You are amazing! Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.
- Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever; it’s to create something that will.
- Success and struggle imply each other.
- Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.
- The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, and to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.
- The only thing that can grow is the thing you give energy to.
- We get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed. No one is destined to fail. Believe in God and yourself!
- We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
- To Him, our direction is more important than our speed.
- Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
- Happiness is not a worthy goal. It is the byproduct of one.
- The past only has the authority that you give it.
Learned in spaded by my mother, my pickleball students might appreciate this one:
- The antidote always begins with consciousness.
And my favorite:
- It’s not about you!
To my 7 siblings: If you read this blog post, I’m positive your smile is as big as mine!
Lessons from My Parents Hobby Farm: Fun-filled Stories and Valuable Lessons
My Mom raised 8 kids. We grew up in various homes and properties throughout Central West, New Jersey. Our last home was on “The Farm” in Little York, New Jersey, a small community with a country store, bar… and farms! This home and the hundreds of surrounding acres owned by my parents was a hobby farm and a place to teach us how to work, how to play, how to get along, how to respect others, and other great lessons that are a bit more fun-filled with stories to boot like, how to not be afraid of the dark, why mowing specific parcels of land with the brush hog might not be a good idea, and what do you do when your younger sisters horse fall through the barn floor to its death.
As you might imagine, there was always a variety of stories that taught valuable lessons. Still, this narrative needs to be about Mom.
Three days is up, and she has not died! So I would like to say, what else is new? Mom has a purpose in choosing “life” that may not be too obvious to some of us, but she will pass when she is darn good and ready!
A Family Reunion with a Purpose: Reminiscing and Celebrating Life
Two days ago, 7 siblings gathered and spent that wonderful reunion time next to Mom, hanging with Dad and reminiscing. A story that is quite typical of this woman unfolded but was unknown to me then. Like most stories with a powerful message, I see parallels to pickleball. I spot them, ponder them, nurture them in the old noggin, and in this case, wrap the story around a blog inside the Coaches Corner.
Defying Death and Choosing Life: Lessons from Mom and Pickleball.
Story 1: In 2013, my Mom had a brain tumor. Yes, it was one of those guaranteed-to-change-life surgical experiences with a high probability of mortality concluding. She survived and thrived. In fact, I was on a trip with several of my college students on the day of surgery to a business competition out of town. As luck would have it, we drove past the hospital where she had surgery. My students would not let me pass through without a visit.
“Half My Brain Was Taken Out”: Mom’s Humor and Resilience
Conclusion to Story 1: I got to her room just as she was coming into consciousness. She looked at me and said, “I suppose they are done … Here I am, ready to get out of here … you know, son, they had to take half my brain out just to level the playing field with the competition,” followed by a typical motherly grin!
I had not achieved my mother’s perspective while developing my character. I had surgery decades ago, and when I came out of the anesthesia into consciousness, I threw up repeatedly with the doctor by my bedside. I seriously thought that Death would have been a welcomed guest. Further, when he told me how the surgery went, I remember feelings of “why me” and “this can’t happen!” And here I’m, listening to my Mom crack a joke and being ready to move on regardless of the setback.
Story 2 (in the very moment two days ago!):
My sister started a tear-jerker. She reminded us of the time only months ago when Mom was rushed to the hospital and immediately admitted into the ICU. The doctor was not optimistic and prescribed a visit by the Chaplain and other end-of-life professionals. I was there.
These medical professionals all entered the room throughout the day with compassion in their messages. In addition, physical signs of pending death were clear markers that they were right. Mom’s breathing, her unconscious state, her vitals, and more all suggested we get the family there quickly.
From flights to long-distance traveling, my siblings responded, and they eventually arrived. That night we even got permission from the ICU staff to hold a concert in the room as two of my nephews are professional musicians (and only Seniors in HS). We recorded the performance and had a fantastic time together. What a family!
Miracle at the ICU: Braden and Grandma’s Unwavering Determination
Early the following day, given she survived the night, Braden arrived! Braden Sirrine is my 19-year-old nephew. He is a remarkable young man with love for his grandma. Grandma was awake! She looked at Braden and knew in an instant who he was. This was a miracle, given the prognosis coming from medical professionals. When she saw his face, she said she was not ready to go (i.e., die) yet!
The story continued when she committed to seeing Braden in the Temple for his missionary preparation. For those reading this not of the LDS faith, know that this is an extraordinary experience that would be impossible for anyone betting that she would live that long – to include the medical team over those days in the ICU.
Well, that was months ago, and last week Braden was with Grandma in the Temple.
While there is more to the miracle of this story, you should be able to draw a similar conclusion that this woman is in control and will never give up or surrender to death until she darn well says so!
In Control and Never Giving Up: Mom’s Competitive Spirit and Influence in the Coaches Corner
This exemplary mindset defines the competitive essence of pickleball, the sport that IS “a metaphor for a happy life” (see previous blog titled, “Easter Message: Pickleball and the Metaphor for a Happy Life” and “The Coaches Corner: Don’t Get Left Behind – The Urgent Need for Virtues in Your Pickleball Game.“)
In addition, may I suggest to the reader to ponder deeply on those games where you were ahead 10-1 and lost, or perhaps more memorable, those games when you were behind 10-1 and came back from the metaphorical pains of surgery that weigh against you, from the near-death experience ready and waiting to take you down, from the time-outs that often only reinforce pending gloom and doom regardless of which hydration pack you swallow, to shock the crowd and win!
The facts: We’ve all experienced one or both scenarios!
Blog Question: Are YOU like my Angel Mom? And if not, call me; her signature is all over the Coaches Corner
